If you’re debating whether or not you should move back in with your parents, welcome to the club! Last year, at the age of 29, I spent about 10 months living with my parents after a combination of events including a break-up, working remotely, and deciding where I wanted to live. Transitioning to living with your parents can be rough, especially when you’ve been independent for a while. (I’d lived by myself for 6 years before coming back home!) I can’t tell you whether or not moving back in with your parents will be a good idea for you, but I can give you some elements to consider when deciding if you should move back in with your parents.
What to keep in mind when deciding whether you should move back in with your parents:
Setting a timeline
If you’re moving in with your parents, set a timeline for when you move out again. Even if this goal ends up being flexible, it’s good to live with the mindset that the arrangement is temporary. Otherwise time will fly, you’ll settle into living there, and 30 years later…you’ll still be there.
You and your parents might fall into old parent-child habits when cohabitating. It might feel natural for your parents to think they have a say in your social life, or for you to feel like you can just mooch off of them for all of your meals. You should both try to set boundaries with each other. Remind them (and yourself) that you are a fully-functioning adult who needs to live independently. And allow them to express when you’re acting like a 5-year old who doesn’t know how to do laundry.
Agreeing on expenses:
I’ll admit that I did not do a good job with this when I moved in with my parents, so I ended up being a big ole mooch (thanks, mom and dad!) It’s important to discuss how costs will be shared before you even move in. Will you be paying any rent? Splitting utilities? Who will pay for groceries? Having these discussions beforehand can help prevent conflict or resentment down the line. Taking some ownership with living expenses will help you feel more independent as well.
Your parents are doing you a favor by letting you stay with them. Remember that as much as it might feel like they are encroaching on your space, you’re really encroaching on theirs! Make sure to thank them and be graeful that you have this safe space to land.
Knowing you’re not alone:
As of September 2020, 52% of young adults are living with their parents. That’s the highest that rate has been in 130 years. You might feel embarrassed or ashamed to be living with your parents, but you really shouldn’t. Remind yoursef that you’re doing it for smart, valid reasons that make it worthwhile.
Focusing on the benefits:
There are so many benefits to living with your parents! Like:
- Having company whenever you want it. You don’t even have to leave the house to hang out!
- Living with roommates that you’re used to being around, in a place you’re used to. You probably already know the lay of the land at your parents house, in terms of how the house is run and where all of the light switches are.
- Having roommates you can be honest with. There’s no awkwardly avoiding confrontation over unwashed dishes when you’re staying with family.
- You’ll probably save a lot of money. I saved about $30k during my time at home. The savings alone are almost enough to make me want to live with my parents forever! Almost.
Carving out quality time and independent time:
Make sure you’re quality spending time with your parents, just like you would if you weren’t living with them. On the flip side, make sure to carve out time for yourself as well. You’ll feel more fulfilled if you continue to invest in your usual hobbies and friendships even while at home.
Your parents won’t be around forever. I chose to look at my extra time with my parents as a blessing. We made memories that I’ll cherish forever. And I know that later on in life I’ll be able to look back and say, “Hey remember when I moved in with you?” and we’ll have tons of stories to laugh about.
I hope this helps you on your journey of moving back in with your parents. I’m lucky enough to get along really well with my parents, which made our time living together a breeze. I hope your co-habitation goes just as smoothly!