So you’ve gone on a first date and you’re feeling wishy-washy about whether or not you want to go on a second. Maybe the date was fine, but didn’t give you the butterflies and fireworks that you hoped. Now you’re on the fence about whether you should see them again. Here are the questions to ask yourself when you’re wondering, should I go on a second date?
Questions to ask yourself when deciding if you should go on a second date:
Were there any red flags?
Are there any red flags that you’re ignoring or justifying just because you enjoyed the date otherwise? These red flags can be anything from a hint of concerning behavior, to inconsistencies between the person and what you’re looking for.
I once went on a date that was a lot of fun and had great conversation…until the end when the guy got too drunk. Part of me wanted to justify this behavior as a one-off, but in truth – this was a RED FLAG. I also recently went on a date where my date mentioned that he was Jewish – obviously not a red flag, but an inconsistency that ruled him out because I know I want to raise my kids in the Christian church. A red flag doesn’t always have to be glaring! It can be anything that you know would cause insurmountable conflict down the road. If that’s present, move on!
Do I know enough about this person to make a decision?
On a first date everyone tried to make a good impression and show who they are in limited time. There’s only so much you can share in a first meeting! You probably hit a lot of the get-to-know-you questions like job, career goals, and how lifestyle. But it can take longer to get to deeper topics like kids, marriage, and finances. If you leave the date feeling like you need to know more about the person before you can get a full picture of who they are, go on another date.
Is fear involved in this decision?
I’ve entertained the idea of second dates before simply because I was afraid that in turning someone down I could accidentally turn down “my person.” It sounds ridiculous to type out, but I honestly feared that I could be saying no to my soulmate…Folks, let me tell you that it is not possible to miss out on your person. If you don’t go want to go on a second date, that person is clearly not your person. Don’t let the fear of “missing out” on someone be what pressures you into another date.
On another note, don’t go on a second date if you’re only doing it to prevent letting your date down. You are doing neither of you any favors if you’re only entertaining the idea of them because you are scared to hurt their feelings with rejection.
P.S. If you need help crafting a, “Thanks but no thanks” post-date text, my pal Ali has amazing text scripts that will make it so much easier for you to hit send. (I have copy-pasted from her scripts more times than I care to count).
Does any part of me want to spend more time with this person?
Asking yourself if you want to spend more time with them is the most important question when deciding if you should go on a second date. I’m sure you’ve heard the advice, “If the date isn’t terrible, go on a second date.” I don’t agree with this! I think that after a date, you know deep down if you want another one. If there’s a part of you that wants to know more about this person, then go on another date. If you have no interest in finding out more, don’t! You don’t even have to have a specific reason not to want to see them again. It can just be a general disinterest – it’s that simple.
I hope these questions help you reflect and feel confident when deciding if you should go on a second date. Remember to trust your gut and you’ll make the right decision!