It’s awesome to feel really excited after a first date, or even a first few dates. But it’s also easy to fall into a trap of falling too fast, too soon. To prevent hurt and prevent getting into a relationship that you shouldn’t, it’s important not to set your hopes on someone too quickly. Here’s how to calm yourself down in the beginning stages of dating someone, and avoid falling too fast.
How to avoid falling too fast:
- Remind yourself that you only know parts of them
Although you can definitely be excited about everything you’ve learned about your date so far, remind yourself that there’s more to discover. While you can hope that they remain as awesome as they seem so far, it’s likely that there are sides of them you haven’t seen yet. There’s a reason the beginning of a relationship is called the “honeymoon” phase! It takes months to understand who a person is and what they are really like. Keep this in my mind as you get to know them little by little.
- Make a list of unanswered questions
On that note, a great way to keep perspective is to make a list of questions you still have for your date- about values, religion, children, and whatever else you need to know before entering a relationship. Writing these down can help you re-focus and remind yourself that you still need to discover more before you can give this person your heart.
- Take it off the pedestal
Appreciate that things are going well with this person, but reassure yourself that it’s also okay if things don’t work out. A relationship with this person is not the end-all, be-all in your life. You can be hopeful for a future with this person, while also acknowledging that you can still have a great future without this person. Taking the potential relationship off of a pedestal will help you keep your emotions in check.
- Continue to invest yourself elsewhere
While you’re in the beginning phases of dating someone, don’t drop all of your other interests. Keep spending time with friends, participating in your hobbies, and even dating other people! Keeping your life from revolving around your new boo will help you keep it’s importance in perspective.
- Stay present
Stay present! Don’t let your thoughts wander farther than where things are right now. Don’t project a future that may or may not exist. Just because they said they like to travel doesn’t mean you’ll find yourself on a yacht in Croatia with them next year! Keeping yourself present will prevent disappointment down the road and keep you from glossing over any potential incompatibilities for the sake of an daydreamed future.
- Take it one meeting at a time
In the theme of staying present, take things one date at a time. Instead of thinking, “Do I want this person to be my significant other?” or “Can I see myself walking down the aisle to them?” after each time you see them, just ask yourself whether or not you’d like to see them again. That’s all you need to know for now!
- Separate realtity from projection
Take time to focus on what this person was really telling you, and the impression they were really giving you. It’s easy for chemistry on a date to get in the way of truth! For example, were they funny – or were you just laughing at your own joke? Did they say they’re Christian – or just that they celebrate Christmas? Don’t exaggerate who they actually are with what you want them to be.
- Debrief with an impartial party
Talk to a friend about how things are going, and ask them to be honest with you about any yellow or red flags that you may be missing while your rose-colored glasses are superglued to your face. Someone who knows you and hasn’t met your date might be better able to tell where potential strengths and weaknesses of the relationship could lie.
I hope this helps you to stay calm and avoid falling too fast. If you have any other tips, comment below!